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The Men's Center of Los Angeles
Beverly Hills/Woodland Hills

in Association with
Sacred Path Productions

Newsletter for August 2006


Voicemail: (818) 348-9302

Web Site: www.menscenterlosangeles.com

Contact: info@menscenterlosangeles.com


Our Mission:
"Bringing good men together and bringing out the best in them"

Our Approach:
Helping develop a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment for men by fostering vision, passion, authenticity and intimate connection to self and others

Our Services:
Psychotherapy for individuals, families, and groups, as well as our Sacred Path and Call to Adventure Retreats, Workshops, Seminars, and Monthly Men's Gatherings


MAN UP FOR THE FALL SACRED PATH RETREAT!
October 19 - 22


 

IN THIS ISSUE:

A Message from the Director
Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar

  • Fall Retreat October 19 through 22
  • August 26 - Ed Munter: Soul Journey
  • Ongoing Men's Groups

Nick Rath: Life is Not a Journey

From the Daily Om: The Dance of Intimacy

Recommended Reading: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Greywolf's Native Spirit Lodge In New Larger Quarters

Men's Teams

Important Web Links

CD's by Sacred Path Members Available

Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group

Contribute to the Newsletter


 

A Message from the Director - Dr. Stephen Johnson

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Greetings,

As I was meditating this morning my mind was drawn to contemplate a few areas of focus. One of them is an issue that I've been dealing with that is close to home, another concerns what is going on between Israel and Lebanon, and another is the heat wave that this country is experiencing. It was 119 degrees in Woodland Hills yesterday and we have set a new record for successive days with a temperature in excess of 100 degrees. Every state in the country has been experiencing temperatures in the 90's or hotter. It would certainly seem to lend credence to the concerns centered on global warming. I believe the climate in the world is hot in more ways than one. I recalled an article that I published six years ago titled Confronting the Crisis in Our Culture. The opening paragraphs are as follows:

Humanity recently completed a double millennium. The epic experiment known as civilization, as it enters its third thousand-year period of recorded history, reveals certain bitter truths with which we must contend. It is very apparent, for example, that contemporary culture has become intensely fast and explosively hot.

The lack of enough time places inordinate stress on people as we scramble to catch up or move ahead in order to avoid falling behind or going down and out. Raging conflicts around the world as in Iraq and the Middle East and in the urban centers of America signal a lack of compassionate understanding and balance necessary for sustained harmony and peace.

In our country, the melting pot of the world, cultures collide while emotional tension runs rampant in a strained attempt to blend divergent ethnicity into a homogenized sameness. We desperately need a common ground for all. The middle is falling away. There is more and more polarization between the haves and the have-nots. The spaces between people that, at one time, buffered the sharp edges of distinction exist now to a much lesser degree. Radically different people are losing the ways to maintain connection with each other devoid of destructive anger, envy, hatred, injustice and cruelty.

Carl Jung said that one sign of maturity is the ability to hold greater and greater opposition without coming apart. The period of time we are entering as a humanity is one of more and more exposed conflict, therefore, we need to be able to exercise this maturity if we are to withstand the intense heat generated from this cross-cultural collision. People get burned up while in the melting pot if the heat's too high. Their ashes can be found everywhere these days.

Mythologist and Men's Movement leader, Michael Meade, in his book, Men and the Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of Men, published by Harper San Francisco, characterizes the need for balancing out hot and intense feelings with healing coolness. He states, "After years of struggling through things myself and working for a dozen years with groups of men, I kept noticing the contrast between, on the one side - anger, frustration, animosity and aggression. On the other side - sorrow, grief, disappointment, loss and both loneliness and the feelings of appropriate aloneness. I watched it in myself, and I also had seen many men go back and forth; this was the tempering that the soul seems to require. People are thrown into the fire and at another point they are thrown into the water." He concludes that there seems to be an urgent call in many places these days for water, "in the symbolic sense of a water that heals, cools, and brings the cracks of life closer together, so that people don't fall through those cracks."

In the morning, during my time for meditation, contemplation and prayer, I read Discourses from Paramahansa Yogananda's two-volume set, The Second Coming of Christ: The Resurrection of the Christ Within You (Self-Realization Fellowship, 2004). The Discourse (Number 27) this morning was on Matthew 5:43 – 45: "Ye have heard that it hath been said, 'Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.' But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

In Yogananda's commentary he expressed, "Love and forgiveness form the nucleus of the Christ teachings. Far more than just a noble ideal, the principle of love is verily the manifestation of God in His creation. The universe endures by a play between good and evil. The effect of evil, delusion, is to divide and obscure and cause inharmony. Love is the attracting power of Spirit that unites and harmonizes. The vibratory force of God's love, consciously directed by man, neutralizes the power of evil. Hate, anger, revenge, are offspring of the evil force and thus serve to reinforce the evil vibration."

He went on to say, "If one talks love as a matter of diplomacy to win over an enemy, but harbors enmity in his heart, that insincerity will not work for very long. The human heart is intuitive; it is not easy to deceive its intuitive perception. The heart must absolutely give up all manner of hatred because ill will, no matter how expertly controlled outwardly, travels through the ether into the heart of the person on which it is focused. Thinking love while talking love will surely mollify and change one's enemies, even if they do not immediately recognize or admit it. Love is a divine cleanser and a lastingly effective way of winning one's enemies. Hatred may temporarily suppress and put down an enemy, but he will still remain an enemy. The poison of hate increases by hatred and can be counteracted and neutralized only by the chemical of love.

Without any expression or feeling of malice or sarcasm, a wronged person should just say within himself: "I forgive you". It is such a healing, elevating experience. That mental expression of love also travels through the ether into the heart of the wrongdoer. It is one of the most effective ways to change an enemy. To hate an enemy is to make him stronger, whereas his enmity is weakened by kindness until he may finally realize his fault."

Yogananda reminds us that, "Action speaks louder than words. Thus Jesus says, 'Do good to them that hate you.' Not only should one mentally love a detractor, but actually do good to him. With no trace of a 'holier-than-thou' attitude, sincere gestures of goodwill are reminders of the relation of divine brotherhood that is the unifying principle among all human beings."

I believe it is sad but true that 2000 years after Jesus urged people to turn away from the eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth philosophy in relating to one another and to pursue his admonition to turn the other cheek, to treat the other as we would want to be treated and to love our enemies, many people still haven't gotten the lesson.

I encourage you to take time to reflect on the world around you and make room for meditation and prayer. Even though we are miles away and you may feel frustrated that you can only watch things unfold in the world without being able to make a personal impact, consider the power of meditation and prayer in helping to create a positive effect. Picture the world cloaked in peace, harmony and the cooling effect of loving kindness while you send your prayers to the Middle East and other parts of the world that are rife with discontent, discord and disharmony. And take a look at what's going on in your own life that may provide you an opportunity for some forgiving and loving resolution. As Werner Erhard would say, "Before going off to clean up some area of the world, go home and do your own dishes."

Namaste,
Stephen

Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar

Man Up for the Challenge to be a Good Man

Join us for the 19th Annual Fall Sacred Path Men's Retreat Thursday, October 19th through Sunday, October 22nd

"Men today face crisis, as romantic partners, fathers, sons, workers, and friends. Uncertain of what it means to be a man – especially a good man – and disconnected from their needs, their truths, their values, and the spouses and children they seek to love, many men are spiraling into desperation and depression.

I know: I see these men every day in my therapeutic practice. But even as I learned the peril men face, I have realized how they can use the power inherent in manhood to step up to the plate of their own lives – to "man up."

I have used my decades of experience as a psychotherapist working with men in crisis, and developing communities of good men, to explore the root causes of men's crises, to show how and why they sabotage their relationships as lovers, fathers, and good men in the world. It has been my endeavor to provide them a hands-on blueprint for how they can meet the challenge of manhood – by renewing their relationship to the women they love, to their families, to the brotherhood of men, to their vocations, and to their own sense of chivalry and goodness."
Dr. Stephen J. Johnson

The community of men that will convene for this conference will gather to explore what it means to be a good man. Ample opportunities will be offered for men to explore their psyches in large and small group formats. Workshops featuring a wide range of experiential topics will provide men with forums to engage themselves for the purpose of self-encounter and self-development. There is nothing like being in the company of good men to raise your consciousness and contact the depths of your soul. We also wish to invite men, who are interested in becoming mentors to boys in need, to join our Mentor Council. We will be assisting men to comprehend what it takes to devote one's attention to help boys grow up to become good men. Use the Fall Retreat to be able to Man Up as Mentors and get ready for our Spring Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat. Early Internet registration commences now followed by a mailing to the community at large later this month. If you're reading this article on the LAMC/Sacred Path web site, take advantage of the early registration discounts by printing out and completing the following form and faxing or mailing it in to reserve your space for the Fall Retreat. Just click on: http://menscenterlosangeles.com/registration%20form.pdf
If you're reading the newsletter on PDF, just copy the link to your address bar and download the form.

Ed Munter: Songs of the Soul and Soul Journey

Find the Love You've Been Looking For... Look Inside!

Can art save the world? A Christian, A Muslim, and a Jew performing in a revolutionary new musical seem to believe it just might be possible. In this critical time, when mankind seems to be divided into warring factions and we seem to be balanced on the brink of a Holy War, Soul Journey presents a completely different perspective that is inspiring and universally accessible. Soul Journey, currently playing at the Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center, plays like a funny and touching spiritual fable of the soul's adventure through the human experience.

As an audience, we are led through a soul-discovery process to the moment of enlightenment that opens up to a joyful celebration of our commonality. This collective discovery cuts through global politics, religious beliefs, doctrine, dogma, spiritual rhetoric and current world conflicts to arrive at a deeper connection within us all.

Join Ed Munter, Christo Pellani, and Rashid Lanie in this revolutionary theatrical experience.

Saturday, August 26, 8 PM
Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center
5521 Grosvenor, Playa Vista

(310) 281-6601
405 to 90 freeway / Centinela exit / left on Centinela to Jefferson / right on Jefferson
Tickets are $20.00 in advance, $25.00 at the door

Weekly Men's Groups are available in Woodland Hills and Beverly Hills. Both Stephen Johnson and Dan Franklin have room availiable in their weekly therapeutic support groups held in Beverly Hills and Woodland Hills. More information at: info@menscenterlosangeles.com

Nick Rath: Life is Not a Journey

What is Life?
By Nick Rath ©2006

My articles are intended to assist parents in being more effective as parents. This month you read the title and many will assume I have gone off on a tangent into philosophy or religion. Let me know if that is what you still think... at the end.

When we were born we began as beings that had certain drives and intentions. We intended to stay alive and to learn how to "get along" here on Earth. We can watch young children as they attempt many methods to get their wants and needs met. The methods that work, that get their wants and needs met, get repeated. As they learn and grow they develop other methods for getting their needs met. We could come to the conclusion that Life is about getting your wants and needs met.

In the following quote, Life is indirectly defined. "Life is not a journey to the pearly gates with the intention of arriving with a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a ride!!" Many children behave as though they understand this from birth. They take risks that scare almost every adult who watches. They are aiming to "skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out...." Other people have chosen the road they believe will take them to the Pearly Gates with an unscarred and well preserved body. In between those two choices are lots of other possibilities. What choices are you making? What choices are you assisting your children to make?

When I was ten I got a bike for my birthday. It was a Schwinn, 26", blue with huge tires and strips of plastic hanging from the hand grips. At my Mother's insistence it came with training wheels. They lasted until my Mother went back inside the house. My Dad and I took them off. Both parents were teaching me about Life and risk management. Mom taught me that she didn't believe I could ride the bike without getting hurt (she was right). Dad taught me that he believed I could ride the bike without dying or getting hurt "too badly". He was right, too.

Looking back at their lives I can see that their choices about risk built the Life they lived. I can also see evidence of their influence on my Life and the Life of my sister. Dad coached me not to flaunt the risks I was taking. "Don't do stuff like that in front of your Mother." Mom coached me not to do anything that might get me hurt. "Don't play sports. You'll get hurt." The bike became an escape for me. I rode from Pico Rivera to Huntington Beach almost every weekend. I didn't tell Mom how far I went. Later, I traded the big, fat Schwinn in for a ten-speed, narrow tire racing bike. Mom thought I would get killed on it and Dad wanted to test ride it.

I was still learning about what level of risk is acceptable. I still am. Risks that were acceptable when I was seventeen are no longer acceptable (for the most part). So, how can we empower our children and ourselves to discover the level best for each of us?

Could we have conversations with our children about the intention we each have for our life? My Mother wanted to arrive at the "Pearly Gates" with a body that had never taken a risk, never scraped a knee, broken a bone. She died in her seventies with a body that died of physical, mental, and spiritual atrophy. She told me once that there were lots of things she wanted to do in her life, but she didn't because she was afraid.

Our behavior as parents assists our children to learn how to manage the risks of Life. Our conversations with them about how and why we do what we do can help them make the decisions that will allow them to live their lives fully and experience all that they came here to experience.

Anyone want to go rappelling?

Nick Rath teaches Parent Education for LAUSD and others. He has a new class starting 5 August at Fremont High School. It is a ten week course and meets Saturdays from eight in the morning until noon. It is free for parents. Children between 9 and 15 can attend a Boot Camp run by LAPD at the same school from eight until three in the afternoon but must enroll through 77th division. Call 213..485-4285 for more information.

From the Daily Om: The Dance of Intimacy

Coming Back To Center In A Relationship

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart. Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union. Just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward again, to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturance of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves. We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive.

One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that you want to grow closer together. Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. In other cases, more intense effort and attention may be required. You may want to set aside time to talk and come up with solutions together. Remember to have compassion for each other. You're in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. Express faith and confidence in each other, and enjoy the slow dance of intimacy that can resume between the two of you.

Recommended Reading: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Sacred Path members can send in their own reviews and recommendations of personal favorites, whether they be novels, poetry, short stories, or nonfiction dealing with men's work, essays, anecdotes, sources of inspiration, etc. Each review could include a short blurb on the author, or perhaps a short piece taken from the work. Send your favorite reads to Rich Manners at: jyngleman@sbcglobal.net


The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
180 Pages

At last! A book by a woman who really "gets it" when it comes to men. Laura Schlessinger tells women what their men really want and need to make their relationships thrive. In the words of one of the men who wrote to her:

"... I can offer this to your search for how to treat a man. We are men, not dumb-dumbs, psychics, or one bit unromantic. We need only clear communication, appreciation, honest love, and respect. This will be repaid by laying the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. There is no need to 'work' a man to get what you want. We live to take care of a wife, family, and home. Just remember that we are men, and know that our needs are simple but not to be ignored. A good man is hard to find, not to keep."

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating, and even seemingly dead marriages, as the real-life examples happily demonstrate. Dr. Laura has had women calling almost daily, bitterly criticizing their men, reporting of months of seemingly useless marital therapy (aka "gripe hours"), and at their wits' end about what to do with their marriages. After she asks (really nags) them to try just one of the hints found in this book, such as finding just one or two things to compliment their husbands about (no matter how small) each day for five days, they call her back amazed at the positive results in their feelings about their men, their husbands' demeanor, and the atmosphere in the home. They see progress; they feel powerful; they are happier. Their marriages are experienced as more of a blessing.

Chapters include:

The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands
The White Rabbit Syndrome
"You're a Nag"
Men Have Feelings? Really? You're Kidding!
"Huh? Honey, What Did You Say? What Did That Mean?"
What's Sex?
A Man Should Be Respected in His Own Home
Guy Time

This is a real "feel-good" book for men, who will have no problem digesting the material while nodding and saying, "Yep, that's me," over and over. The hard part comes when we ask our wives to read it, but believe me it will make a positive difference in your relationship. If you hear your wife saying, "Wow, that's me," you know your life is about to change for the better.
– Rich Manners

Men's Teams

A new group will be forming in the Venice/Pacific Palisades area. For more info on joining and meeting times, contact Nick Rath at (310) 454-2965, or e-mail him at: nrath@adelphia.net

The West Hills Group is now filled to capacity. For those interested in adding their names to the wait list, contact Mitch Cohen at (818) 631-4175, or e-mail him at freehand@earthlink.net

The West Side Men's Group meets every first Thursday of the month in addition to our required monthly gathering on the third Thursday of the month. In August, the West Side Men's Gathering will get together again on Thursday, August 3rd as well as Thursday, the 17th, location to be determined. For more information or to join the group, call Mark Kreher at (310)581-6616 or e-mail him at: mark.kreher@verizon.net. You can also contact David Sacks at (323) 650-8239, or e-mail him at: dasacks@yahoo.com,

The Thousand Oaks/Calabasas Men's Circle is currently meeting monthly. If you live near this geographic area and have an interest in participating in a men's group, contact Matthew at (818)774-1000, or e-mail him at: matthewburke@singerburke.com for more information.

David "Stongbear" Myers is heading up a team in the San Gabriel Valley. If you're interested in joining, talk to Strongbear at (818)541-9499, or e-mail him at: dj0814myers@earthlink.net.

Important Web Links

MICHAEL GURIAN is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of twenty one books published in twentyÊlanguages. The Gurian Institute, which he co-founded, conducts research internationally, launches pilot programs and trains professionals. Michael has been called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to bring together people's ordinary lives and scientific ideas. As a social philosopher, he has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A number of his ground-breaking books in child development, includingÊThe Wonder of Boys,ÊBoys and Girls Learn Differently!, The Wonder of Girls,Êand What Could He Be Thinking? have sparked national debate. His newest work, The Minds of Boys, (September 2005) provides a revolutionary new framework, based in neuro-biology, by which to understand and care for the educational needs of our sons. Learn more about Michael and the GURIAN INSTITUTE at www.gurianinstitute.com

SACRED WAYS, Andrew Soliz' organization dedicated to promoting growth and healing through traditional Native American teachings and ceremonies. To check on the latest events, ceremonies, sweatlodges, and other information, log on to www.sacred-ways.org. To contact Andrew directly, e-mail Andrew@sacred-ways.org

ALBERT MARREWA, counselor, instructor of martial arts, consultant, lecturer, and workshop facilitator. Access Albert's web site at www.albertmarrewa.com for biographical information, lists of services, and calendar of events, or e-mail Albert directly at albertmarrewa@aol.com.

HIS SIDE, the weekly radio program on KTIE 940 AM hosted by Glenn Sacks. Go to www.hisside.com to find out about future programs, sign up for the weekly newsletter, listen live via streaming audio at 5 PM every Sunday, and contact Glenn directly.

MEN ALIVE, the web site hosted by JED DIAMOND, psychologist, author, and speaker. Jed spoke at our first monthly gathering and again last November, outlining his new book, "The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the 4 Key Causes of Male Depression and Aggression". Go to: menalive-on@lists.mcn.org to receive Jed's weekly newsletter online, and contact Jed directly at: jed@menalive.com.

CHRISTO PELLANI, Sacred Path's Master Percussionist. Stay current with events featuring Christo and his friends by logging onto his web site: www.soundformation.com.

ED MUNTER, originator and star performer of Soul Journey. Find out about the latest performances of this soul-stirring experience, as well as CD ordering info and more about Ed himself. Log onto www.innerpathproductions.org

INTERFAITH INVENTIONS, an organization dedicated to enriching the lives of children and adults through programs that promote respect and understanding between people of diverse faiths. They are developing a national network of summer camps to bring together Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Native American, and other faiths' children to have fun and to form lasting relationships. The camp experience includes developing a relationship with the natural world around them; sharing family stories, food customs, drumming and music; exploring shared values of compassion, reconciliation and respect for others through sacred texts and stories from their traditions as well as art projects, games, camp fires, and informal play time. The summer program includes following up activities to help forge lasting relationships between the children and their communities. For more info on this highly worthwhile organization, contact Phil Dichter, President of Interfaith Inventions, at: www.interfaithinventions.org

MR. DAD. Hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad's superdad," ARMIN BROTT has helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be. His six best-selling books, including The Expectant Father, provide tips and advice for every phase of fatherhood. He reaches millions more concerned parents – fathers and mothers – each week with his nationally syndicated newspaper column (Ask Mr. Dad), syndicated radio show (Positive Parenting), and daily podcast (The DaddyCast). For more info, visit www.mrdad.com

CD's by Sacred Path Members Available

You can purchase the excellent CD's by Sacred Path brothers Ed Munter, Tommy Holmes, Christo Pellani, Rich Manners and Albert Marrewa.

Ed's CD's, Tracking Down the Soul and Soul Journey, are available at www.innerpathproductions.org

Tommy's self-titled album can be ordered from www.TommyHolmes.com.

Christo's second album, Soundscape Pyramids – Resonance Forms, is available at info@soundformation.com

Rich's CD, Speechless, featuring the voices of Mimi Manners, is available at jyngleman@sbcglobal.net

Albert's Relaxing Into Now is available at www.albertmarrewa.com

In addition, talks by the Director of the L.A. Men's Center, Dr. Stephen Johnson, are available on the LA Men's Center web site, as well as several CD sets of past retreats. Go to www.menscenterlosangeles.com

Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group

What does Sacred Path do to support men after they have completed their retreats? The Sacred Path Alumni Discussion Group is one answer to that query. It provides a means for our community of men to have ongoing e-mail contact and discussions with their fellow Sacred Path Retreat graduates. Membership is restricted to graduates of a Sacred Path retreat. The simplest way to sign up is to send an e-mail (its content is irrelevant) to: Sacred_Path_Alumni-subscribe@Yahoo.groups.com. You can also join from the Sacred Path Alumni's home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacredpathalumni.

Once you have become a member of the discussion group, you can begin using our Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group immediately. Members are able to use any or all of the following features:

  • Post a message
  • Create group polls
  • Invite others to join
  • Share files and photos
  • Create group calendars
  • View the archives (past postings)

    When you join the group, please remember to use only lower-case letters and numbers in choosing your group ID name. Yahoo doesn't recognize capital letters!

Contribute to the Newsletter

Does your creativity need an outlet? Here's a chance for your unique words to appear on the printed page (or at least a computer screen)! Send us an article, an anecdote, a poem, a joke; whatever tickles your fancy. Please address your e-mails to Rich Manners at: jyngleman@sbcglobal.net. Bribes will be cheerfully accepted!

 

 

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