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The Men's Center of Los Angeles
Beverly Hills/Woodland Hills
in Association with
Sacred Path Productions
Newsletter for February 2006
Voicemail: (818) 348-9302
Web Site: www.menscenterlosangeles.com
Contact: info@menscenterlosangeles.com
Our Mission:
"Bringing good men together and bringing out the best in
them"
Our Approach:
Helping develop a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment for
men by fostering vision, passion, authenticity and intimate connection
to self and others
Our Services:
Psychotherapy for individuals, families, and groups, as well as
our Sacred Path and Call to Adventure Retreats,
Workshops, Seminars, and Monthly Men's Gatherings
SPRING RETREAT APRIL 20-23!
REGISTER BEFORE
APRIL 1st FOR DISCOUNTS
IN THIS ISSUE:
A Message from the Director
Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar
- David Friedman: The Color of Now - Exhibit of
Recent Paintings
- Ed Munter: Soul Journey February 25
- Sacred Ways Events
- Spring Retreat and Call to Adventure - April 20-23, 2006
- Ongoing Men's Groups
Andrew Soliz: Talking Stick Etiquette
A Message from Timothy Whispering Eagle Aguilar
Recommended Readings: The Sibling Society
Albert Marrewa: Father and Son
Sad News: A Letter from Tom Couper on his Father's Passing
Who, Me, a Homophobe? - A Review of Brokeback Mountain
Men's Teams
Important Web Links
CD's by Sacred Path Members Available
Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group
Contribute to the Newsletter
A Message from the Director - Dr. Stephen Johnson
 Greetings,
Well, it's that time again. We're gearing up for our spring
retreat. I have been putting the finishing touches on the flier
that will go out in the mail by the middle of February. During
our Wisdom Council meetings we came to the decision to not separate
into two groups for this coming retreat. For the past two spring
retreats we have hosted two essentially separate retreats at
the same time and location: a Sacred Path Men's retreat as well
as a Call to Adventure Retreat for fathers and sons, mentors
and youth. Both groups met on the mountain and spent time doing
separate events and then came together for brief periods of
time. We heard from several men that they were quite moved by
what the boys were experiencing and sharing during the weekend.
They further expressed that they had wished that they could
have spent more time with the boys. Many of the men also expressed
that they wished that the ropes course had been available to
them.
As a result of the feedback, and in-depth discussion within
the Wisdom Council, we have decided to have a Sacred Path/Call
To Adventure Rites of Passage retreat that will provide opportunities
for everyone attending to participate in all offered events,
including sweat lodges and ropes course. We will provide choices
for everyone concerning Tribe assignment and break out sessions.
We realize that men do wish to spend time with other men discussing
issues that are specific to their personal concerns. Some of
these discussion groups would not be appropriate for the youth.
There will be Tribes for men that just wish to be with the older
men and we will have Tribes that will be comprised of younger
men and the older guys. We may also have one or more Tribes
that are comprised of youth around the same age range.
We're once again providing a number of first time participant
discount fees for those wishing to take advantage of this limited
offering. Newcomers that register prior to April 1st will pay
only $345 if they wish to take advantage of the discount. We're
also making available the early registration and returning discounts.
A deposit of $175 will secure your spot. Just to remind you,
we had 110 participants and a 10-man documentary film crew on
the mountain last April. We will limit the number of participants
to 120 for this retreat as well. So, don't wait to sign up.
This is a great opportunity to bring your son or other family
members. I know a number of you who attended the October retreat
have told me that you plan to bring guests to this retreat.
We're looking forward to getting to know all the new participants
and to the expansion of our Sacred Path Men's Center Community.
The information will be posted on the web site within the next
two weeks. If you wish to register in advance of the mailing,
go to the site, send us an e-mail message or give us a call.
We can take your credit card information over the phone.
Looking forward to seeing you on the Mountain in April (20-23).
Namaste,
Stephen
Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar
David Friedman:
The Color of Now
Recent paintings by David Friedman, a Sacred Path
brother, will be on display from January 18th
until April 17th at the Agape International Spiritual Center,
5700 Buckingham Parkway in Culver City. In addition, there
will be a special Public Reception on Sunday, February 26,
from 2:30 to 4:30.
Mandalas, spirit images and eyetrips illuminate the path
and light the way.
Down the rabbit-hole, navigating the space between thoughts,
across the karma fields to right now. Here is a colorist who
infuses his crystalline geometrics with the spectral radiance
of pure light. Friedman moved to Los Angeles in 2001, from
the lush, Magic Realism of Hawaii to the Hiphop edge of Los
Angeles. In the process, he generated a personal and dynamic
new visual language to portray raw energy, the mapping of
new spiritual paths and, finally, coming home. As exhibit
designer, he has created interactive environments for children's
museums exploring color, optics and perception. In Honolulu,
he designed "SkyQuest", a multimedia history of island aviation
for the Pacific AeroSpace Museum. In 1993, he co-founded "Electric
Gallery", Hawaii's first virtual art gallery, a video showcase
of computer animation for community access television. He
is currently a Special Education resource teacher with the
Los Angeles Unified School District and designs toys. Born
in Chicago, Friedman attended the Minneapolis College of Art
and Design (BFA), the University of Minnesota (Humanities
major) and the Maryland Institute College of Art (MFA) in
Baltimore, Md.
Contact: Stephanie Dawn 310-581-0373
Ed Munter: Songs
of the Soul and Soul Journey
Find the Love You've Been Looking For... Look Inside!
Can art save the world? A Christian, A Muslim, and a Jew
performing in a revolutionary new musical seem to believe
it just might be possible. In this critical time, when mankind
seems to be divided into warring factions and we seem to be
balanced on the brink of a Holy War, Soul Journey
presents a completely different perspective that is inspiring
and universally accessible. Soul Journey, currently playing
at the Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center, plays like
a funny and touching spiritual fable of the soul's adventure
through the human experience.
As an audience, we are led through a soul-discovery process
to the moment of enlightenment that opens up to a joyful celebration
of our commonality. This collective discovery cuts through
global politics, religious beliefs, doctrine, dogma, spiritual
rhetoric and current world conflicts to arrive at a deeper
connection within us all.
Join Ed Munter, Christo Pellani, and
Rashid Lanie in this revolutionary theatrical experience.
Saturday, February 25, 8 PM
Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center
5521 Grosvenor, Playa Vista
(310) 281-6601
405 to 90 freeway / Centinela exit /
left on Centinela to Jefferson / right on Jefferson
Tickets are $20.00 in advance, $25.00
at the door
Sacred Ways Events
for 2006
February 4 - Mens/Boys Sweat Lodge, Ojai 2 PM
February 5 - Vision Quest/Community Sweat, Ojai 10 AM
February 17 through 22 - Connecticut - Yoga & Healing
sessions
March 4 - Mens/Boys Sweat lodge, Ojai 2 PM
March 5 - Women/Girls Vision Quest Lodge, Ojai 10 AM
March 31 through April 2 - East & West Retreat, Ojai Eco-sanctuary
April 1-2 Retreat, Ojai Eco-sanctuary
April 15 Mens/Boys Vision Quest Lodge, Ojai 2 PM
April 16 - Vision Quest/Community Lodge, Ojai 10 AM
April 20 through 23 - Sacred Path/Call to Adventure Retreat
May 10 through 14 - Vision Quest
May 20 - Sacred Ways 2nd Annual Fundraiser
June 9 through 11 - Retreat
June 21 - Summer Solstice Gathering, Ojai 7 PM
July 1 through 14 - Sundance, South Dakota
July 24 through 27 - New Hampshire, Connecticut
July 28 through 31 - New Milford, Connecticut
August 5 - Final registration for Fall Vision Quest
August 12 - Vision Quest meeting, 12 noon, Ojai
August 25 through 28 - Camping/Collecting Stone People, Mojave
Desert
September 9 - Mens/Boys Sunrise Lodge, Ojai, 6 AM
September 10 - Vision Quest/Community Sunrise Lodge, Ojai
6 AM
October 5 through 11 - Connecticut
October 19 through 22 - Sacred Path/Call to Adenture Retreat
October 28 - Mens/Boys Vision Quest Lodge, Ojai, 2 PM
October 29 - Womens/Girls Vision Quest Lodge, Ojai 10 AM
November 4 - Community Lodge, Ojai 12 noon
November 15 through 19 - Vision Quest
December 2 - Wopila Lodge, Ojai 12 noon
December 3 - Wopila Lodge, Ojai 10 AM
December 28 through January 1 - New Years Retreat, Ojai Eco-sanctuary
For more information, contact: www.sacred-ways.org
Spring Retreat
and Call to Adventure - April 20-23, 2006
As you all know, springtime has brought with it the opportunity
to hold combined Sacred Path and Call to Adventure/Rites of
Passage Retreats. This spring, all men and youth will be invited
to participate in the Call to Adventure events, such as the
ropes course. We anticipate that a community of 120 participants
comprising 100 men and youth as well as a staff of 20 will
be on the Mountain for this Retreat. There will be ample opportunity
for men wishing to share Sacred Space with other men to be
able to speak safely from the depths of their souls. We will
provide an array of optional experiences for all. Since many
of the men from the Fall Retreat have spoken about bringing
several new men and youth to the Spring Retreat, we expect
it to sell out early. We will begin the website and mail-out
promotion later this month. So, to make sure you have a space
reserved, you might consider contacting us in advance so that
we can hold a space for you.
Weekly Men's Groups
are available in Woodland Hills and Beverly Hills. Please call
for information.
Andrew Soliz and David Strongbear Myers:
Talking Stick Etiquette
In our [Native American] tradition, the talking stick came
after the prayer stick; it is an extension of it. When used
in a circle, it allows the bearer to be heard. All of the
community give the speaker respect and listen from the heart.
The speaker in turn gives the respect back to the community
by speaking the truth from his heart and making his point
heard.
The speaker is not interrupted. Usually, a Chief or an Elder
would be the keeper of the stick and would watch over the
communication process to ensure that all things were being
honored. The keeper of the stick would guide the process only
if it was necessary.
The rules of this were clear to all of the community and
were accepted as such. Those that did not agree would not
sit in the circle. I feel that it is important to lay down
the guidelines so as to create a safe environment for all
to sit in.
– Andrew Soliz
Those of you who were at the last retreat know the fire that
got ignited behind questions around us interrupting someone
who was holding the talking stick. As I have committed myself
to become a steward of the council process I have been asked
to share some thoughts around etiquette for those of us who
sit in council. There are four agreed upon "intentions" for
sitting in council. These were wrongly communicated as "rules"
during the last retreat. These intentions are ways of being
and interacting with each other that are agreed upon while
being in the circle. In reality no one of us is ever able
to adhere to them perfectly. A barometer for how well we as
a collective are doing with them is the level of awareness
manifesting among us. I will list these intentions and share
a few thoughts about them. They are not intended to be an
exhaustive dissertation on the intentions but only to give
you a feel of their flavor. The four intentions are:
1. Speak from the Heart. When we have the talking
stick we commit to sharing the contents of our heartÕs journey
while communing with our brothers in the circle. Rather than
imagine the words you share as coming from your head, picture
them coming from your heart.
2. Listen from the Heart. This is the more challenging
part of sitting in council. When a brother has the stick am
I truly able to sit with my heart connected to what he is
saying. Or am I busy trying to figure out what I am going
to say when it is my turn? Am I fixated on inwardly debating
with what he is saying? Am I figuring out what he needs to
do in order to be fixed? Can I let go of all of these and
just sit there, imagining his words traveling into my heart?
3. Speaking Leanly. When I have the stick do I have
to tell you my whole story for you to truly feel what I am
sharing? Or can I listen to my heart and hear what needs to
be said. As something comes up for me to say can I ask myself
these questions before speaking: Will what I have to say truly
serve me? Will what I have to say serve this group of men?
And finally; Will what I have to share serve the greater collective?
4. Speak Spontaneously. Sometimes when we are listening
the rehearsals still come up as do the debates we have with
those we are listening to. This intention speaks to a commitment
to put those aside when we get the stick and speak purely
from the message of our hearts. We put these shortcomings
aside and focus on the three questions outlined in intention
#3.
Think of being in council as a group meditation and the four
intentions the focal point for each of us to be aware of.
If I have the stick and begin to feel myself wander can I
stop, take a breath and begin again. Or if necessary can I
stop, put the stick aside and sit down. If am listening and
find myself rehearsing or debating can I stop, take a breath,
connect to my heart and again watch my brotherÕs words enter
there. When we commit to these intentions our individual as
well as our collective awareness gets heightened. Also another
voice emerges, the voice of our collective being. We will
have more to share about this as we convene the retreat. I
will commit to witness to remind us as we progress.
Namaste
– Strong Bear
A Message from Timothy Whispering Eagle
Aguilar
Hello, Brothers and Sisters on the Sacred Path.
In this moment I feel like I am introducing myself to many
of you, so allow me to thank you in advance for your time
and space. Much gratitude for your patience as this is my
first message to be shared via our
monthly newsletter. As some of you may have realized, the
running joke has been, "If you want to get in touch with Timothy,
just send up a smoke signal." ItÕs true, I've been a guardian
over my time and space. This was born out of the overwhelming
circumstances of a full private practice and my commitment
as a Father. The thought of returning e-mail after responding
to many voicemails was simply too much, and so I have not
been available on the Internet. Oh, and typing with two fingers,
well, I'm sure you can imagine (you'd have a good laugh if
you were watching me now)!
It is an absolute privilege to be in leadership with the
Sacred Path; words fall short of describing how truly grateful
I am. You have all been supportive in my healing journey,
knowingly or unknowingly. Our energy is contagious - the shadows
in life cannot survive the light. Our wounds are illuminated
in the presence of a loving acceptance far too rare in the
world today.
When asked what I do for a living, the most comfortable response
I have is that I help people find their JOY. Many are not
relaxed with this seemingly vague description - our world
is in such need of titles and labeling. This is where words
like Shaman, Mystic, Guru, and various others come
up. These are delicate waters that are entered; judgment and
criticism may be triggered. I've had the blessings of great
Native American teachings as well as those in Shamanism, Buddhism
Taoism, Kabbalah, and Science of Mind, just to name a few
- and in all of them I am still a student. Since boyhood I
have had an incredible attraction with anything that had to
do with higher consciousness. My own need to be seen as special
has taught me some incredible lessons. The challenge I have
felt in my past has been how to allow myself to be seen as
a being of light and not get caught up in my own ego. My whole
life I witnessed so much of the opposite. The best I had come
up with was saying yes to these spiritual titles with
the hope of being an example of receptivity. Now here's my
truth Š I am beautifully imperfect. I am a clumsy Human Being
moving towards the Light. I am a Man who has been addicted
and obsessed with many things. Since my son Ziari was born
(over sixteen years ago) I've applied this addictive and obsessive
behavior to becoming Present, initially out of the fear of
damaging my sweet innocent boy. It began as a discipline,
grew into a practice, and has become a LOVE.
I'm a single Man. It's been more than a few years since
I've been in relationship. I felt a strong desire to mature,
to grow up. I was still attempting to get my needs met through
the woman with whom I'd been previously involved. You know,
I thought, "Hey, I've read all the books. I couldn't
be the problem!" I've been HUMBLED.
This past July, I was in an automobile accident. The crash
left me with six months of recovery and the loss of my favorite
vehicle that I had created. (Yes, I'm a car nut. A lot of
my favorite moments with my Dad were in our garage where he
taught me I could do anything I put my mind to. God bless
my Father! Who would have thought that one of my first temples
would be our garage?) I felt aware that the July occurrence
was no accident. I heard the words, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER.
At first this did not make sense. I was injured, felt pain,
and had real concerns about how I would serve my clients and
what would happen financially. Before the accident, the quality
of my life had been high. I had been taking care of myself
(meditating, exercising, playing, healthy eating, drinking,
sleeping, and in very loving supportive relationships). I
had learned early on that this was a must; the intensities
that I was called to support (like helping others die a good
death) begged of me to be very loving with myself. I was being
asked to let go again. To TRUST, to SURRENDER, to allow nurturing,
to be a good patient and be patient with myself. It's nearing
tax time, so I'm aware of how much money I made last year.
It's quite different than years past, but I must share with
you that I feel rich. I feel well. I have more than recovered.
I feel light. I have more time and space. I live in the blessing
of holding space for others and in doing so I am a witness
to consistent TRANSFORMATION. My trust and belief is only
growing. Clients that were resisting seeing themselves have
either taken a break or moved away for now. I'm presently
hearing the words, SAY YES TO THOSE WHO ARE SAYING YES.
In our last retreat there was some concern about separation
or elitism. This is what inspired me to write. So here I AM.
. . Know the man.
MUCH LOVE,
Timothy
This month, we continue a new feature
which will be a regular part of the newsletter. Sacred Path
members can send in their own reviews and recommendations of
personal favorites, whether they be novels, poetry, short stories,
or nonfiction dealing with men's work, essays, anecdotes, sources
of inspiration, etc. Each review could include a short blurb
on the author, or perhaps a short piece taken from the work.
Send your favorite reads to Rich Manners at:
jyngleman@sbcglobal.net
THE SIBLING SOCIETY
by
Robert Bly
281 pages
“Mass society, with its demand for work
without responsibility, creates an army of rival, envious
siblings. Their chief conflict is characterized, not by oedipal
rivalry, struggling with the father for the privileges of
liberty and power, but by sibling envy directed at neighbors
and competitors who have more than they.”
–from Robert Bly’s The Sibling Society
I was fortunate enough to hear Robert Bly speak at the Chicago
Men’s Conference in the fall of 1996. He was particularly
disturbed by the direction that the American culture was taking,
and had little hope for its recovery. He referred to his book,
The Sibling Society, for further elucidation of his
findings, and I was quite eager to read it. As I got further
into the book, I became more and more frightened, and to tell
the truth, it was very difficult for me to finish because
of the fear engendered by what I was reading.
I just finished reading The Sibling Society for the
second time, and am chilled to the bone by the truths of Bly’s
predictions. Just in the last few years, I can see the changes
wrought in our society, and the speed with which they occur
is accelerating day by day.
Bly shows us a culture in which adults remain children, and
where children have no desire to become adults – a nation
of squabbling siblings. In this sibling culture that he describes,
we tolerate no one above us and have no concern for anyone
below us. Like sullen teenagers we live in our peer group,
glancing side to side, rather than upward, for direction.
We have brought down all forms of hierarchy, because hierarchy
is based on power, often abused. Yet with that leveling we
have also destroyed any willingness to look up or down. Without
that “vertical gaze,” as Bly calls it, we have no
longing for the good, no deep understanding of evil. We shy
away from great triumphs and deep sorrow. We have no elders
and no children; no past and no future. What we are left with
is spiritual flatness. The talk show replaces family. Instead
of art we have the Internet. In the place of community we
have the mall.
Bly finds that our economy’s stimulation of adolescent
envy and greed has changed us fundamentally. The Superego
that once demanded high standards in our work and in our ethics
no longer demands that we be good but merely “famous,”
bathed in the warm glow of superficial attention. Driven by
this insatiable need, and with no guidance toward the discipline
required for genuine accomplishment, our young people are
defeated before they begin.
It is the young and the disenfranchised who are most victimized
by the sibling culture, our children and our elders and those
marked as “not us” by race and economic circumstance.
It is these people whom we all too easily “throw out
the window,” but it is also these disenfranchised who
will be waiting for us on the road ahead to claim their due.
This book is indeed a wake-up call and an inspiration to revive
and reinstate those traditions that can save our culture -
mentoring of the young by the elders, rites-of-passage ceremonies
to bring young people into adulthood, and respect for learning
and life experience.
– Rich Manners
Albert Marrewa: Father and Son
"Who is my father in this world, in this house,
at the spirit's base?"
~ Wallace Stevens
Today is the third anniversary of my father's death. Here
at my home this morning, alongside dad's remains and a photograph
taken of him about six months prior to his passing, a candle
burns in his memory. While I released my mother's ashes only
a few months after she died - a little over seven years ago
- I've yet
to part with the contents of this plain-wrapped box sitting
on the floor right next to me as I type these words. With
an "Evergreen Crematory" form label slapped
across the top that reads, "Cremated Remains of Charles
Albert Marrewa, Died January 20, 2003," it's surreal
to think that 80 years of a man's life lived in a human body
weighing approximately 175 lbs. - my father's body
- now occupies a box no larger than the size of half-gallon
of milk.
It's been three years since my dad took his last breath and
I still think about him every single day. There are
always reminders that keep him close to my heart on a daily
basis. For example, I see him in the faces of elderly men
that pass by me on the street, and I can hear his voice when
older gentlemen address me in shops, stores and markets. When
I saw Ron Howard's "Cinderella Man" recently
on DVD I wept wholeheartedly as I recalled my father's own
tales of life as a boy during the Great Depression as was
so powerfully portrayed in this moving film.
Sometimes, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror,
I am stunned at just how much I look like my father, especially
as I grow older. I am his legacy, to be sure. He had only
one child - me - at the age of 36, and often told me how he'd
prayed for a son before I was born in March of 1959. I am
46 years-old now and have no children of my own. And this
makes me wonder about my own old age and eventual death someday.
You see, I was there to take care of my dad when his mind
and body began to deteriorate. But who will be there for me
when I begin to fall apart? And on the anniversary
of my death I can't help but wonder whom, if anyone, might
light a candle in my memory as I've done so for my
father's today?
I sit and ponder these questions this morning not with any
sense of fear or self pity, but rather with genuine curiosity
as to how my life will unfold in the months, years, and decades
to come. And yet I know that only by allowing the mystery
of life to reveal itself in its own way and in its own time
will my questions be ultimately answered.
And so, as I remember my dad today with much fondness and
love, I'd like to leave you with one of my favorite poems
by Thomas Wolfe entitled; "FOR BROTHER, WHAT ARE WE?,"
for it so beautifully speaks to that profound and everlasting
bond which could only exist between a father and his son:
FOR BROTHER, WHAT ARE WE?
For brother, what are we?
We are the sons of our father,
Whose face we have never seen,
We are the sons of our father,
Whose voice we have never heard,
We are the sons of our father,
To whom we have cried for strength and comfort
In our agony,
We are the sons of our father,
Whose life like ours
Was lived in solitude and in the wilderness,
We are the sons of our father,
To whom only we can speak out
The strange, dark burden of our heart and spirit,
We are the sons of our father,
And we shall follow the print of his foot forever.
In Gratitude & Service,
Albert Charles Marrewa
Sad News: A Letter from Tom Couper on his
Father's Passing
The father of Tom Couper, one of our brothers and member
of the Wisdom Council, has just made his transition after
a lengthy illness. Our love, prayers and deepest condolences
go out to Tom and his family, and we want him to know he is
in our hearts during this difficult period.
Gentlemen,
My father died peacefully at home early last Wednesday morning
at age 83 after five years of coping with a rare incurable
bone marrow disease. He survived several years past the average
life expectancy of those diagnosed with myelodisplasia and
the extra years seemed to have prepared and sweetened him
in a wonderful way. I'm convinced his extra time was due in
large measure to the loving, patient, and attentive care my
mother gave him.
I feel very fortunate to have been able to organize my life
so I could spend extra time with my father. In the last two
years we worked on a number of projects together. I experienced
the great boon of no longer needing or wanting anything from
my father other than the simple joy of spending time in his
company. I am very grateful.
I am particularly grateful to you, Timothy, for offering
me the healing space, the patient listening, the keen intuitive
questioning, and the brotherly love that helped me journey
from rage and hatred through grief and sadness to the love
that has always been present, if not quite realized.
I am grateful to you, Irene, medicine woman, for helping
me learn to trust women again, for listening, for unconditional
love and appreciation, for bringing back the missing pieces.
I am grateful to you, Stephen, for telling and showing us,
over the course of several retreats, the story of your journey
with your own father. It's a good story and helped me at times
when I felt stuck and helped me appreciate the time I had
with my father.
I am grateful to you, Andrew, for giving me medicine to
move into a state of forgiveness for my family and a state
of openness towards my parents. I am grateful for the humbling
Medicine of the Lodge that yields so many amazing gifts, and
only when we yield ourselves completely to it.
I am grateful to you, the men of the Wisdom Council, the
men of Sacred Path, for being the example of what it is to
heal the sense of separation from each other and be at ease
with other men. This too has helped me say goodbye to my father
in a way he and I both could understand and appreciate.
Before he died my father organized a family gathering for
the end of February. While I'm sad and disappointed that he
didn't stay to enjoy it, I think he left us this occasion
as his legacy: a message about how important it is for us
to gather together in circle, support one another, and love
one another. So, we're going to do what he requested and get
together in circle and celebrate him and each other at the
end of February.
I look forward to doing the same thing with you. I'll see
you Saturday. Thank you so much also for the many extraordinary
gifts that I can't even articulate.
I love you with all of my heart, brothers,
Tom
Who, Me, a Homophobe? -
A Review of Brokeback Mountain
I'm the last guy I could think of who I would suspect of
being a homophobe, but I received an unexpected surprise when
I experienced the hit movie, Brokeback Mountain.
Let me begin by telling you that my wife Mimi and I have
been involved with the gay community for over 16 years. Mimi
was the "mascot" of the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus,
in that she was the only female allowed to sing with them
in their
concerts. They'd mount lavish productions of shows like The
Wizard of Oz, in which Mimi played Dorothy, and all the
other roles were played by the men in the chorus, or Gilbert
& Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance, in which she
played Mabel. I wrote several musical arrangements for the
chorus as well, so we developed close friendships with many
of the choristers. I admired so many qualities in the gay
community that so many straight men of our culture feel are
taboo: their wit, their creativity, and their openness in
showing their feelings, whether joyful, bitchy, sad or loving.
Sadly, most of our friends were taken by AIDS while still
in their 30's and early 40's.
It therefore came as a shock when I started to feel nervous
when Mimi told me that she'd love to see Brokeback Mountain.
I'd heard wonderful reviews of the film, and I greatly admired
Ang Lee for taking the risk of directing such a controversial
piece in a culture as homophobic as ours. My nervousness increased
as we sat in the theater waiting for the movie to start, and
I zeroed in on it as an observer and sat back to watch my
reaction to the film. The movie itself was superbly acted,
well written, and masterfully directed. The cinematography
was breathtaking, and the music walked a fine line between
country and film score. But I think the greatest piece I got
from it was the recognition of my cultural brainwashing concerning
homosexuality - how my gut tightened with discomfort when
the two men embraced, kissed, and had sex. I really learned
a lot about myself, and I believe that this movie is a must
for every man who wants to take a good long look at how our
culture has fashioned our knee-jerk responses to our taboos.
Even the two male starring characters of the film hated themselves
and each other for bringing out the homosexual longing in
each other. This is not an easy movie to watch - I was made
uncomfortable by both the love relationship of the men and
by the mean-spirited revulsion of the people around them.
And yet, the film is a milestone in the exposition of human
feelings and love.
As usual, there are those who show their own mean-spiritedness
by refusing to screen the film under the pretext of "moral
decency" or somesuch. For instance, take Larry Miller,
the largest car dealer in Utah, who is very, very rich. He
is also a Mormon and wanted to look good to all the other
Mormons, so he pulled the movie from all the theaters under
his ownership. He and others like him are under the impression
that they know better than others as to what films are appropriate
for audiences to see. The fear of perhaps seeing themselves
in this film outweighs the rights of others to see the film
and judge in their own minds what comes up for them. The irony
is that it is Mr. Miller and those like him who need to see
the film most in order to recognize their own prejudice and
take steps to change. This in itself shows the enormous distance
we have yet to travel toward understanding and compassion
toward all people.
Please see the film, and observe your own reactions as you
watch. You will learn a lot about yourself, I promise.
– Rich Manners
Men's Teams
A new group will be forming in the Venice/Pacific Palisades
area. For more info on joining and meeting times, contact Nick
Rath at (310) 454-2965, or e-mail him at: nrath@adelphia.net
The West Hills Group is looking for a
few Good Men. For more informationon the time and location of
the next meeting, contact Mitch Cohen at (818) 343-0312, or
e-mail him at freehand@earthlink.net
The West Side Men's Group meets every first Thursday of the
month in addition to our required monthly gathering on the third
Thursday of the month.In February, the West Side Men's Gathering
will get together again on Thursday, February 2nd as well as
Thursday, the 16th at Demian Lichtenstein's. For more information
or to join the group, call Mark Kreher at (310)581-6616 or e-mail
him at: mark.kreher@verizon.net.
You can also contact Demian at (310)901-5757 or e-mail him at
Lightfilms@aol.com,
and last but certainly not least, David Sacks at (323) 650-8239,
or e-mail him at: dasacks@yahoo.com,
The Thousand Oaks/Calabasas Men's Circle is currently at capacity
(8+ men), however, if you live near this geographic area and
have an interest in participating in a men's group, contact
Matthew at (818)774-1000, or e-mail him at: matthewburke@singerburke.com.
David "Stongbear" Myers is heading up a team in the
San Gabriel Valley. If you're interested in joining, talk to
Strongbear at (818)541-9499, or e-mail him at: dj0814myers@earthlink.net.
Lastly, a new group is forming in the Mountain View area of
Northern California. Check on e-mail with the LA Men's Center
for further info.
Important Web Links
SACRED WAYS, Andrew Soliz' organization dedicated to
promoting growth and healing through traditional Native American
teachings and ceremonies. To check on the latest events, ceremonies,
sweatlodges, and other information, log on to www.sacred-ways.org.
To contact Andrew directly, e-mail Andrew@sacred-ways.org.
ALBERT MARREWA, counselor, instructor of martial arts,
consultant, lecturer, and workshop facilitator. Access Albert's
web site at www.albertmarrewa.com
for biographical information, lists of services, and calendar
of events, or e-mail Albert directly at albertmarrewa@aol.com.
HIS SIDE, the weekly radio program on KTIE 940 AM hosted
by Glenn Sacks. Go to www.hisside.com
to find out about future programs, sign up for the weekly newsletter,
listen live via streaming audio at 5 PM every Sunday, and contact
Glenn directly.
MEN ALIVE, the web site hosted by Jed Diamond, psychologist,
author, and speaker. Jed spoke at our first monthly gathering
and again last November, outlining his new book, "The Irritable
Male Syndrome: Managing the 4 Key Causes of Male Depression
and Aggression". Go to: menalive-on@lists.mcn.org
to receive Jed's weekly newsletter online, and contact Jed directly
at: jed@menalive.com.
CHRISTO PELLANI, Sacred Path's Master Percussionist.
Stay current with events featuring Christo and his friends by
logging onto his web site: www.soundformation.com.
ED MUNTER, originator and star performer of Soul
Journey. Find out about the latest performances of this
soul-stirring experience, as well as CD ordering info and more
about Ed himself. Log onto www.innerpathproductions.org
INTERFAITH INVENTIONS, an organization dedicated to
enriching the lives of children and adults through programs
that promote respect and understanding between people of diverse
faiths. They are developing a national network of summer camps
to bring together Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Native
American, and other faiths' children to have fun and to form
lasting relationships. The camp experience includes developing
a relationship with the natural world around them; sharing family
stories, food customs, drumming and music; exploring shared
values of compassion, reconciliation and respect for others
through sacred texts and stories from their traditions as well
as art projects, games, camp fires, and informal play time.
The summer program includes following up activities to help
forge lasting relationships between the children and their communities.
For more info on this highly worthwhile organization, contact
Phil Dichter, President of Interfaith Inventions, at: www.interfaithinventions.org
CD's by Sacred Path Members Available
You can purchase the excellent CD's by Sacred Path brothers
Ed Munter and Tommy Holmes, and Albert Marrewa.
Ed's CD's, Tracking Down the Soul and Soul Journey,
are available at www.innerpathproductions.org
Tommy's self-titled album can be ordered from www.TommyHolmes.com.
Albert's Relaxing Into Now is available at www.albertmarrewa.com
In addition, talks by the Director of the L.A. Men's Center,
Dr. Stephen Johnson, are available on the LA Men's Center website,
as well as several CD sets of past retreats.Go to
www.menscenterlosangeles.com
Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group
What does Sacred Path do to support men after they have completed
their retreats? The Sacred Path Alumni Discussion Group is one
answer to that query. It provides a means for our community
of men to have ongoing e-mail contact and discussions with their
fellow Sacred Path Retreat graduates. Membership is restricted
to graduates of a Sacred Path retreat. The simplest way to sign
up is to send an e-mail (its content is irrelevant) to: Sacred_Path_Alumni-subscribe@Yahoo.groups.com.
You can also join from the Sacred Path Alumni's home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacredpathalumni.
Once you have become a member of the discussion group, you
can begin using our Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group immediately.
Members are able to use any or all of the following features:
Contribute to the Newsletter
Does your creativity need an outlet? Here's a chance for your
unique words to appear on the printed page (or at least a computer
screen)! Send us an article, an anecdote, a poem, a joke; whatever
tickles your fancy. Please address your e-mails to Rich Manners
at: jyngleman@sbcglobal.net.
Bribes will be cheerfully accepted!
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