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The Men's Center of Los Angeles
Beverly Hills/Woodland Hills
in Association with
Sacred Path Productions
Newsletter for June 2006
Voicemail: (818) 348-9302
Web Site: www.menscenterlosangeles.com
Contact: info@menscenterlosangeles.com
Our Mission:
"Bringing good men together and bringing out the best in
them"
Our Approach:
Helping develop a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment for
men by fostering vision, passion, authenticity and intimate connection
to self and others
Our Services:
Psychotherapy for individuals, families, and groups, as well as
our Sacred Path and Call to Adventure Retreats,
Workshops, Seminars, and Monthly Men's Gatherings
SECOND ANNUAL
PARK CITY RETREAT IN AUGUST
IN THIS ISSUE:
A Message from the Director
Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar
- July 29 - Ed Munter: Soul Journey
- August 11-13 - Second Annual Park City Retreat
- Ongoing Men's Groups
Nick Rath: Good or Bad?
Rich Manners: A Review of "An Inconvenient Truth"
Greywolf's Native Spirit Lodge In New Larger Quarters
Men's Teams
Important Web Links
CD's by Sacred Path Members Available
Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group
Contribute to the Newsletter
A Message from the Director -
Dr. Stephen Johnson
 Greetings,
I wanted to highlight a few topics of interest.
Further information will follow in the body of this newsletter
or will follow in a separate e-mail to you.
Item #1: Golfers take note that Monday, June 12, offers you
the opportunity to participate in a tournament that should prove
to be a lot of fun. You will be supporting Helen Keller Park
and the transformation of other parks in Los Angeles that have
suffered as a result of gang violence. This is a great way to
contribute to the cause of making a real difference in the lives
of youngsters that are at high risk of falling victim to gang
influence and are in harm's way.
Item #2: There will be a special pre-Father's Day event at
Helen Keller Park on Saturday, June 17th, from 11:00 AM to 3:00
PM. This is an opportunity for men and your sons from our community
to support the efforts of Cameron and Marvo in encouraging fathers
from South Central to Man Up to their sons. I'm inviting fathers
and sons from the MCLA/Sacred Path community to participate.
The event will include a barbeque, classic car show and entertainment.
Let's create a unified show of support. I'll be there, will
you?
Item #3: Andrew Soliz will be on a Vision Quest for 4 days
beginning Sunday. This is in preparation for his second Sundance
Ceremony on the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota in July.
Andrew has been pouring water for our Sweat Lodges for the past
few years. I encourage you to hold Andrew in your prayers while
he sits on the mountain without food or water for 4 days. He
will be praying for us. If you would like to make a donation
to support Andrew's costs to participate in the Vision Quest
and Sundance Ceremony you can visit his web site (see link below)
to offer your contribution.
Item #4: Richard Bizzaro and Mike Todd are hosting our second
retreat for couples and individual men and women in Park City,
Utah from Friday, the 11th to Sunday, the 13th of August. The
event last year was considered to be an extraordinary experience
by those in attendance. The transformation that took place in
individuals and couples was remarkable. We will have ample opportunity
for deep communication in men's and women's circles as well
as community council. Andrew will be conducting sweat lodges
so that we can cleanse and purify our intentions. We'll have
a story to thread our work through the weekend and share tasty
meals, plush accommodations and refreshing time for relaxation
and recreation. Park City is especially beautiful at this time
of the year and offers a variety of fun-filled activities. My
wife and I will facilitate this event. I hope you'll join us
and 20 other men and women from Los Angeles who will join 20
men and women from Utah for a powerful weekend of inspiration
and revitalization of our relationships with self and our beloveds.
Let us know right away if you have interest in participating.
We'll be sending out further information soon.
In Brotherhood,
– Stephen
Upcoming Events - Mark Your Calendar
June 12 - 2nd
Annual Volvo BAFTA/LA Golf Tournament
On Monday, June 12, the 2nd annual Volvo - British Academy
of Film and Television Arts/LA Celebrity Golf Classic will
be held at the championship Sky Course at Lost Canyons Golf
Club in Simi Valley. Net proceeds wll be donated to enhance
the BAFTA/LA Screening Room at Helen Keller Park, and to expand
this community outreach to additional parks. As well as tournament
prizes (including a 2007 Volvo C70), a drawing will be held
for a first-class trip to London via British Airways and 3-night
luxury accommodations at Claridges. For further information
on the tournament, contact Sandra Richlin at (310) 641-6477
or sandra@trgolf.com.
You can also call the BAFTA office at (310) 652-4121, or e-mail
them at golf@baftala.org.
June 17 - Pre-Father's
Day Event at Helen Keller Park
On Saturday, June 17, from 11-3 PM, a family celebration
will be held at Helen Keller Park in Los Angeles. Features
include barbecues, entertainment, and a classic car show.
The courageous young men and their mentors who sparked the
spring Sacred Path retreat will be in attendance. Let's help
support their community! Driving instructions to the park
will follow in a special e-mail, so watch for them.
August 9-11 -
Second Annual Park City Retreat
The second annual Park City Retreat for couples and individuals
will be held August 9-11 in Park City. Last year's event was
fully attended and quite an exciting experience for the participants.
We'll be sending you more information in a special e-mail,
but if you're interested in going, save yourself a place at
the ranch and contact us right away. Space is limited. E-mail
info@menscenterlosangeles,
or call (818) 348-9302.
Ed Munter: Songs
of the Soul and Soul Journey
Find the Love You've Been Looking For... Look Inside!
Can art save the world? A Christian, A Muslim, and a Jew
performing in a revolutionary new musical seem to believe
it just might be possible. In this critical time, when mankind
seems to be divided into warring factions and we seem to be
balanced on the brink of a Holy War, Soul Journey
presents a completely different perspective that is inspiring
and universally accessible. Soul Journey, currently playing
at the Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center, plays like
a funny and touching spiritual fable of the soul's adventure
through the human experience.
As an audience, we are led through a soul-discovery process
to the moment of enlightenment that opens up to a joyful celebration
of our commonality. This collective discovery cuts through
global politics, religious beliefs, doctrine, dogma, spiritual
rhetoric and current world conflicts to arrive at a deeper
connection within us all.
Join Ed Munter, Christo Pellani, and Rashid Lanie
in this revolutionary theatrical experience.
Saturday, June 24, 8 PM
Earth & Sky Performing Arts Center
5521 Grosvenor, Playa Vista
(310) 281-6601
405 to 90 freeway / Centinela exit / left on Centinela
to Jefferson / right on Jefferson
Tickets are $20.00 in advance, $25.00 at the doo
Weekly Men's Groups
are available in Woodland Hills and Beverly Hills. Please call
for information.
Cameron Bonner: A Letter
to BAFTA/LA
Editor's note: In June of 2005,
the British Academy of Film and Television Arts/LA had begun
to help the Helen Keller Park staff turn the park's modest
multipurpose room into a makeshift movie theater, hoping its
monthly screenings would draw kids and give the park a more
positive reputation. Prior to this time, the park was a constant
scene for gang warfare. The program has resulted in the gangs
whose turf surround the park declaring it off-limits for gang
activity and a safe place for neighborhood children and their
parents to congregate. On February 11, 2006, the program had
its biggest screening yet – the Academy Award nominated
film, "Tsotsi", a story of South African gang violence
and redemption.
This spring, several young men from Helen Keller Park,
along with their mentors, Cameron Bonner, Marvo Hider, and
Earl Cobbs, Jr., were invited to attend the Call to Adventure
Retreat. Their presence transformed the retreat into a magical
experience which we will all carry in our hearts. The following
letter is written from Mr. Bonner to Katy Haber, a board member
of BAFTA/LA.
Dear Katy,
Yesterday was a very good day at Helen Keller Park.
I had a meeting with Mr. Art Jones at the district offices
and I left feeling so good. Mr. Jones spoke honestly with
me and told me how happy he was with the great things being
done at Helen Keller Park. Art said the big bosses all recognize
the work Marvo and I have done. They feel proud of the park
now. The work BAFTA/LA is doing has inspired other parks
to seek ways to follow other paths.
Art felt Katy Haber is a genius for being able to find
ways to not only put a movie screen in Helen Keller Park.
She has been able to connect people from different backgrounds
all working for the same team. Art told me he looks to Helen
Keller Park as the model of what can be done when people
unite. Deep in his heart he said we've saved so many children's
lives by bringing movies and programs to kids who otherwise
would be out in the streets hurting others.
Now these children have somewhere they can go to find true
love. They know we're there for them. In 2 years gang violence
in that park has stopped. Families are now allowed to enjoy
free movies on the weekends. Children can come to Helen
Keller park to paint, draw or be tutored.
Also, a young teenage boy who's having family problems
was walking through the park as I was walking to the office.
The teen is quiet and a loner... he looked in pain as he
walked by me and Marvo. As I headed into the office I could
see a hand reach out for me. I was taken aback by it because
this kid has a wall up. Anyway, as I turned to shake his
hand I noticed his arms were spread wide open. Since we
came back from the Men's Retreat the kids have shared all
that they learned from Steve Johnson and the men on the
mountain.
This kid hugs me and uses the buzz word "Ho"
, that we all learned on the retreat even though he couldn't
go. He went on to ask me if I could make time for him because
he's going through a major problem and he needs me to hear
him. He wants the pain to stop. I had to hold back tears
as he asked me to help him.
I'm not his father, Katy, but now I see it. I'm there at
Helen Keller Park because so many kids like him need us.
I can now feel the love in those kids. I plan to be there
for him.
During the early evening, as I was heading home to catch
American Idol, a County Police car pulls up on me and Marvo.
The Deputy starts talking to Marvo about a past call, then
he said something that made our night. The officer stated
that they now use the Helen Keller Park method to deal with
the gangs in the parks around the County. He said Helen
Keller park was the worst park, but now is considered the
"prize". The Officer said even the gang members said they're
so glad that BAFTA/LA is there now. He said they told him
that they make sure no one messes up. The gangs now brag
about having movie stars coming to show their films to us.
I thought I was dreaming. This great big cop is telling
me and Marvo to keep up the great work because now they
have a new way to deal with the gangs. They follow our lead
and now other parks are starting to clean themselves up
in the hope of BAFTA/LA putting a movie screen in their
park.
Thank you, Katy, for teaching me how to help people. You
continue to teach me and I'm forever grateful to you.
When the police tell you they support your programs you
must be doing something right. It feels so good!
In closing, thank you to BAFTA/LA members for adopting
me and Marvo's dream. Because of you, Katy, I was able to
help a teenager out when he felt he had no one to turn to.
You're an Angel!
Love you,
Cameron Bonner
Proud volunteer at Helen Keller Park
Ed. Note: Katy and Donald Haber sent copies of Cameron's
message on to Elga Sharpe at the office of the Mayor of Los
Angeles and to our own Stephen Johnson. Here are their responses,
first from Ms. Sharpe:
Dear Katy,
With tears in my eyes I want to say: THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU. I am forwarding this to the County Supervisors
and the Mayor. Please don't stop what you are doing. The
city needs more people like you.
Warmly,
Elga
Then from Stephen Johnson:
Dear Katy and Donald,
Thank you for the copy of the beautiful letter that Cameron
wrote. I'm deeply touched by the sincere work that is being
done at Helen Keller Park. The Men's Center is supportive
of all of the fine efforts that are being made.
We will include the information about the golf tournament
in our newsletter that will go out to the Sacred Path community
on June 1, as well as reprinting Cameron's letter for all
to see. There are many golfers in our midst who should show
an interest in participating.
I am also interested in the event that is taking place
at the park on Father's Day. I would like to encourage our
men to participate in that as well. I am grateful to be
associated with Cameron, Marvo and Earl in their endeavor
to make a profound difference in the inner city and the
lives of our boys. Our retreat was greatly enriched by the
presence of these courageously generous men and the boys
that they are mentoring.
And, my hat is off to BAFTA and you for spearheading the
transformation of the park in such a creative way. The impact
that this can have on the community at large is tremendous.
God Bless,
Stephen Johnson
Meet the Newest member of Sacred
Path: Asher Cullen Maudsley
 Many
of us at Sacred Path were concerned when John Maudsley, one
of our most staunch supporters and retreat participants, failed
to register for the spring retreat. In a note received just
before we went to press, John explained that his wife, who
had been scheduled to deliver their baby in March, had developed
preeclampsia, a toxic condition of pregnancy characterized
by a sudden rise in blood pressure and other serious physical
symptoms. She was forced to deliver her baby prematurely,
and on December 4, 2005, she gave birth to Asher Cullen Maudsley,
who measured in at 12.4 inches long and weighing at 1.7 pounds.
Asher spent his first four months in the hospital and is truly
a million-dollar baby! Here is a picture of John getting Asher
prepped for his first Call to Adventure retreat. Our congratulations,
love, and prayers are with you and your family, John.
By the way, John notes thats he would
be able to attend the upcoming fall retreat if Asher isn't
using the car!
Scott Edwards:
A Letter of Appreciation
Scott Edwards, the Wisdom Council member in charge of the
container at our April retreat, has sent out personal letters
of appreciation to each of the brothers who assisted in constructing
and dismantling our sacred meeting space. Here is Scott's
message to the men who gave so willingly of their time and
energy:
"It's been said: 'Many hands make for
light work.' In the case of the work with the container at
our most recent retreat, there were not many 
hands that chose to help. I am writing to you to express my
sincere gratitude and appreciation of your hands.
As you know, I have been gifted with the privilege of the
responsibility for caretaking our sacred space. Without your
hard work, my work would have been impossible. Your spirit
being added to the container creates its ability to hold and
guard the spirits of all the participants on the hill; it's
not the sticks and screws that make the container; it's you.
In closing, I humbly thank you for your gift: that being
the energy you give to build a safe place for us all; not
only in the container, but in the world."
Namaste,
– Scott Edwards
Rich Manners: A
Touchy Subject
Yesterday I went to the hospital as an outpatient for a colonoscopy.
Those of you who have gone through the discomfort of the preparation
know how exhausting and debilitating the process is. I arrived
at seven AM, groggy and weak, and was taken into the examination
room by the assisting nurse, who gave me a hospital gown,
asked me to put it on (an impossible feat in itself), and
lie down on the gurney. Then she left.
After a few minutes she returned, asked me a few questions,
slipped an IV needle into my arm, connected me to a heart/blood
pressure monitor, and
disappeared, leaving me to my thoughts and anxiety. Since
the doctor wasn't due until eight, I laid there for about
forty minutes listening to the beeps of the cold machinery.
The nurse bustled around every once in a while, but never
did she engage me in conversation, ask how I was doing, or
most importantly, give me a reassuring touch. As a matter
of fact, during the entire time I was in the hospital, except
when inserting needles and monitors, no one touched me
at all.
One of the most reassuring and calming influences one human
can have on another is a caring touch. During the Sacred Breathing
exercise at our retreats, the facilitators come around to
touch the participants, letting them know that someone who
cares is close by and supporting them. When disaster hits
families and friends, our embraces help them to feel that
they're not alone, that another person shares their pain and
is there to give what comfort they can. Yet in our repressed
society, touch is seen as intrusive, somehow too intimate,
and awkwardly embarrassing. It's almost as though there's
some other ulterior motive present in touching someone, some
taboo sexual borderline being crossed. In reaction, we push
away the comfort others have to offer. And even in hospitals,
where care and comfort giving should be at their most evident,
the thought of a caring touch by professional caregivers almost
never comes to mind.
Without this caring touch, babies shrivel and die, both inwardly
and physically. Throughout our lives, we need to be touched
on levels from cellular to soul in order to survive and remain
healthy. And yet we shun the thought of giving and receiving
touch like the plague. How can we explain this? In other societies,
we see a much different picture. Men kissing men and walking
down the street with arms over each other's shoulders, women
holding hands, touching each other's faces, walking arm in
arm. Even in our own country, African-Americans often show
more touching and caressing than the white majority, as do
Hispanics. Only here do we turn our mouths and cheeks aside
so that others just kiss the air when greeting us. Only here
do men in the same family shake hands instead of hugging.
And what of those we choose to be our life partners? A recent
study of how couples behaved when sitting together in restaurants
concluded that American couples sitting in cafes for 30-minute
periods touched each other the least frequently (2 times),
while French couples touched 110 times in the same period.
These are the people that we love, cherish, and trust implicitly,
and still touching is uncomfortable, not a natural part of
what we do! Another study comparing French adolescents sitting
in a McDonald's restaurant in Paris and those in America showed
that the Americans spent less time leaning against, stroking,
kissing, and hugging their peers than did the French. Instead,
they showed more self-touching and more aggressive verbal
and physical behavior.
Touching has become taboo in the American school system as
well. Elementary and high-school teachers have been warned
not to touch children because of potential litigation stemming
from accusations of sexual abuse. There is also less touching
between the students themselves. This flies in the face of
numerous studies that prove that cultures that showed more
physical affection toward young children had lower rates of
adult physical violence, and vice versa. Furthermore, high-touch
cultures have relatively low rates of violence, and low-touch
cultures have extremely high rates of youth and adult violence.
Symptoms of non-touching have become obvious in our macro-society
as well. We can now be sued for stopping to help an injured
person or one who is in need of help. Houses once built with
front porches on which people congregated as parts of a community
are now designed with walls, gates, and no evidence of porches
whatsoever. Barriers are put in the way of our touching each
other in community. We must now pay for touch as we pay for
sex. Massage, one of the few culturally approved methods of
allowing ourselves to be touched, is no longer an inexpensive
commodity.
What is the fear that keeps us from giving and receiving
the touch that we crave? Is it our Puritan legacy of self-reliance?
The religious heritage that touching leads to forbidden sexual
thoughts? The macho loner cowboy ethos that says touching
and interdependence is for sissies and homosexuals? Whatever
the answer, our society has buried itself in a sinkhole of
denial and repression, and it is for the few of us who are
aware of it to try and dig us out. We dare to hug and kiss
on retreat. We dare to touch and be touched. Let's dare to
do the same in the world.
Love and blessings,
Rich
Nick Rath: The Cure for Troubled
Teens Starts in Preschool
It can start
any time you're ready!
Yesterday I heard a father telling his co-workers at lunch
about the problems he is having with his son. The boy is fifteen.
"He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to clean his room. He
doesn't want to do homework. He doesn't want to be home on
time. He doesn't want to go to Grandma's on the weekend. He
doesn't want to." His Dad loves this kid, but feels like he
has totally lost him. He can't seem to get this boy to do
anything.
 This
morning a Mom called me and asked how she could get control
over her thirteen-year-old daughter. It seems this thirteen-year-old
has decided that her mother doesn't know anything about life.
The daughter thinks she should decide how to dress, how much
make up to wear, to pierce her belly button and nose, and
she wants her Mom to pay for a tattoo. "She just won't listen
to me at all," her Mother says.
Problems like these are thought of as pretty common among
the parents of many teens. The fact is that many teens now
have problems that are more difficult to solve because they
weren't solved when these children were three, four, five
and six.
It isn't that the kids have bad parents. It isn't that the
parents have bad kids. It isn't that their parents don't love
them. Their parents do love them, do care, and are good people.
As parents they really try to do a good job, but they missed
something back when their kids were young, and now they have
what some might call a behavior problem.
Bill wants to be treated like an adult. After all he is fifteen,
taller than his Mom, and he is a man. His anger comes when
he realizes that his parents don't treat him like an adult
because they don't think he is one. He read that when the
secondary characteristics of puberty arrive they are the biological
signs that he is changing from boy to man. The hair arrived,
whiskers too. His voice has cracked so often that for a few
months he didn't want to risk talking. He has even developed
a romantic interest or two. In his mind these are the sure
signs that he is now a man. What's wrong with that?
Jake is Bill's Dad. He noticed that Bill's voice started
cracking, that there is hair under Bill's arms and a few on
his chest and that Bill has developed a romantic interest
or two. Jake also has a criteria for what he thinks it takes
to be a man. He thinks that for Bill to be a man he has to
be responsible, do his duty, and meet his obligations. He
thinks good grades, helping out at home, and being nice to
other members of the family are indicators that someone is
grown up, or at least growing up. He is willing to treat Bill
as an adult when Bill acts like an adult. What's wrong with
that?
Alicia is thirteen and has discovered that she grew breasts
this past summer. She also started shaving the new hair under
her arms and on her legs. Her best friend Karen, also thirteen,
has given her lipstick and eye makeup. Best of all there are
three boys at school who like her. She cannot talk to her
Mom about any of this, because she thinks her Mom is so old
she can't possibly understand. She has seen some of the popular
girls at school who have pierced their belly buttons and two
who also have studs in their noses. An older girl who lives
not far from Alicia has a tattoo of a small rose on her ankle.
Alicia sees these things as signs of being more grown up.
Dee is Alicia's Mom. She noticed that Alicia has started
her periods, started shaving her underarms and legs, and bought
a couple of bras. She voiced her opinion that Alicia was too
young for makeup, and piercing anything. She threatened everything
she could think of to convince Alicia not to get a tattoo.
She sees Alicia as a little girl. Alicia sees herself as at
the edge of adulthood and wonders why her Mom treats her like
a child.
When Bill was young were his parents getting him ready to
be fifteen? Were they assisting Bill in being able to make
good decisions about the things that would be facing him as
a fifteen-year-old boy? Did he know what the steps were to
becoming a man in his culture, his neighborhood, or his family?
Is manhood simply the passage from biological child to biological
adult? Does the arrival of underarm hair and whiskers say
Bill is a man, or does it take more? BillÕs Dad thinks it
takes more.
Parents need to begin preparing their children as soon as
possible for the transition from child to adult. Children
need to know about the stages of growth that will take place,
and what their parents can expect from them along the way.
What's wrong with that? Nothing, on the surface.
When our children are three, four, five and six, most of
us aren't too worried about their sexual activity, their staying
out too late, or their getting a tattoo. We leave those things
until later, when there is some urgency to the worry. Planning
for stress and things to worry about aren't what most of us
do everyday. We deal with the stress and things-to-worry-about
that are already right here in front of us.
I don't like the word worry. It implies spending energy on
something that isn't here. I could worry that there is a boy
out there somewhere who is likely to fall for my daughter
and seduce her when she is fifteen, getting her pregnant,
and then I'll have to raise that child. I could worry about
that from now until my daughter is fifteen and then stay up
nights worrying whenever my daughter isn't home before dark
that IT is happening right then. What value would that
worry add to our lives? Would it add beauty, sensitivity,
education, warmth, joy or laughter to the daily interactions
between my daughter and me? No. What it would add is a sense
that I don't trust her to make good judgments, that all boys
want is sex, that I am a worrier, and it would add stress
to both of us. If I want to think about the possible things
that life may bring to us, without worrying, I can direct
these thoughts to, "How do I best prepare my child to make
good decisions?"
The father I overheard at work who has a son who "doesnÕt
want to" didn't prepare his son for the way life is. He let
things slide until life became a crisis. When that son was
four he could have been learning about how you participate
in the family. He could have learned over the years about
the difference getting educated can make today, and tomorrow.
Dad could have started trusting and guiding his son's decision-making
abilities so that by the time his son was fifteen Dad would
be able to know that his son would make good decisions and
do the right things. But at four Dad wasn't having trouble
with his son. At fifteen the son can still learn these lessons,
can still make up for the years of missing education in "How
to be an adult". At fifteen these lessons are harder to learn,
because first he will have to unlearn the lessons that were
taught, even the ones taught by accident.
Mom could have been assisting Alicia to make good decisions
for years. But when Alicia was four she didn't give Mom much
trouble when Mom made the decisions about everything. Mom
picked her clothes to wear, what she was having for breakfast,
where they were going, and what they would do when they arrived.
Mom made lunch and dinner. Mom probably didn't involve Alicia
in the process of making decisions, didn't start trusting
her to make some decisions on her own until one day she noticed
that Alicia was wearing a shirt she borrowed from a friend.
A shirt Mom didn't pick! Now Alicia wants a tattoo, her belly
button pierced, and she wants to do something with one or
more of those boys at school. Alicia is almost totally unprepared
to make decisions about life. Can she learn how to do it?
YES!! But like the fifteen-year-old boy in the paragraph above
it will be harder now. First Alicia will have to unlearn the
lessons she learned when she was young, even the ones taught
by accident.
Danisha is three. She lives with her Mom in an apartment
and she goes to preschool every day. Her Mom doesn't pick
her clothes for school. Her Mom talks to her about which clothes
go together well, and what the weather is like today, and
lets Danisha pick from the appropriate group. Mom assists
Danisha in making decisions every day. They talk about what
they are doing, and their choices, often. As Danisha matures
(a term that means "becomes facile with making good decisions
in a given area of life"), her Mom keeps giving her more and
more power to make decisions about her own life. Mom has structured
Danisha's life so that there are consequences that help Danisha
learn.
What is the consequence for not putting your seat belt on?
In some families it might be that somebody will yell at you
to "PUT IT ON!!" The consequence in Danisha's family
is that the car doesn't move. The discussion is about safety.
"If we drive the car and your seat belt isn't on, what could
the consequences be?" To remind Danisha of how important the
seat belts are, her Mom let Danisha be in charge of seat belts.
Whenever they get in the car Danisha asks her Mom if she has
her seat belt on, before she starts the car. This makes Danisha
feel important, valued, and like she is helping to take care
of her Mom and herself.
As Danisha gets more and more experience in making decisions,
she will get better and better at making those decisions.
A side effect of this is that as she gets more experience
at decision-making, she will want more decision making power.
If her Mom understands that her job as Mom is to assist her
daughter in getting better and better at making her own good
decisions, then her Mom will welcome her growth and willingness
to take control of her own life. Of course, Mom will have
to monitor and teach about the decision making process in
each new area that Danisha wants to learn and grow in. Just
because a child wants the power doesn't mean they are ready
to exercise it. Gradual moves into any new area of experience,
skill, and education are always advisable.
How do we teach our children how to decide about the things
that many teens are thinking about? Can we just say, "Getting
a tattoo is really dumb," and expect our children not to get
one? Getting a tattoo isn't dumb. There are consequences to
getting a tattoo, but loss of IQ points has not been scientifically
proven. There are consequences that they may not have thought
about. What are the consequences? Make a list, and have your
teen make a list too. Then compare the lists; you'll find
two different perspectives. I always wanted a tattoo when
I was younger, but two things stopped me from doing it. One,
I could never decide what picture or words I was willing to
live with the rest of my life; and two, I couldn't decide
where I wanted the tattoo. Once I thought that the insignia
of the U.S.A.F. would look right if it were on my shoulder,
then I saw that tattoo on someone and I thought it looked
tacky. Once I thought about words, a Latin phrase perhaps,
RES FIRMA MITESCERE NESCIT, which means "Once You've
got it up, keep it up"; or CARPE DIEM, "Seize the
day". I finally decided that mottoes belong on signs or sweatshirts,
not my chest, arm or backside.
I heard of one family that had a son who wanted a tattoo.
They thought about how they could get him to think about the
long term consequences. His Dad asked him about the tattoo
he was wanting, and where he wanted to put it. The son was
thinking about the name of his favorite baseball team, for
his shoulder. This Dad went to an older neighbor, talked over
his plan and they conspired to do a little something that
would get the boy to think it over some more. The older neighbor
went to a tattoo artist and had him draw on the name of an
old time baseball team. Back when this neighbor was young
this was really a team, but no more. The next day while Dad
and son are doing the yard work the neighbor "just happened"
to come by to borrow Dad's hedge trimmer. The "tattoo" was
partially visible and the son saw it. Dad saw it too and asked,
"What's that tattoo about?"
"Oh, that was the name of our town's baseball team. When
I was a kid I thought they were the best."
The son looked at the name and said, "Where did they play?
I've never heard of them."
"They haven't played for fifty years. Used to play in my
home town though. Seems like the tattoo has lasted a lot longer
than they did." He picked up the hedge trimmer and walked
back to his house. The son watched him go. Later Dad asked
if he had liked the way the neighbor's tattoo had looked.
"He's a nice guy and all, but I wouldn't want the name of
some team on my shoulder that wasn't even playing anymore."
"Yeah." The boy was thinking, and learning about making decisions.
As parents we choose what the values are that we teach. The
things that are important to us we model for our children
and they learn from the modeling. This Dad was giving his
son the room to think about a tattoo, even though he doesn't
want the boy to get one. If Dad had started the process of
teaching the son critical thinking skills when the son was
really young there is a good chance that the entire discussion
about tattoos would have gone something like this:
"Dad, did you ever think about getting a tattoo?"
"Yeah. When I was in the Air Force stationed in the Far East,
lots of the guys were getting them. I never got one, though."
"Why not?"
"I guess it came down to I couldn't think of one I really
wanted to wear for fifty years and I couldn't pick a place
to put it where I'd be glad to see it everyday."
"Yeah. I thought about it, too. Bob Hanson got one. He got
a football on his leg. It looks more like a rugby ball to
me, and it got infected. I thought about getting one, but
I didn't have to think too long."
"So what are you gonna get?"
"I already got it." He said, lifting the front of his shirt.
"I got one of a belly button. Do you like it?"
"Yeah. Pretty nice. I like your MomÕs better, though."
If we spend the time when our children are young teaching
them how to make decisions and how to live with the consequences
of their decisions, they will be able to stand up to the temptations
of the teen years with a better chance of success than if
we just make the best decision for them at each opportunity
of childhood.
We have to be willing to let some of the "parental power"
go. We have to give them the opportunity to learn when the
lessons are cheap, and the learning lasts. We can give them
the encouragement of "I know you can think this through, and
I trust you to make a good decision". We can bite our own
tongue rather than give them advice they haven't ask for,
and which we shouldn't give. We can be proud of the learning
and the experiences that we have structured into their lives.
When our children leave home and establish successful lives
as adults, and we know they can handle life, we will know
we did a good job as parents.
– Nick Rath
Matthew Burke: Wisdom Circle
Constants
1. The first constant of all wisdom circles is to honor the
circle as a sacred time and space. In order to mark the transition
from the real world into a
sacred space, a ritual is done to assist this transition.
For example, meditation, lighting of candles, burning of incense,
drumming and music-making, or smudging with sage are all possible
ways to mark this transition. It is important to consciously
leave the world we came from outside the circle and to be
completely present in the circle.
2. The second constant of wisdom circles is to create a collective
center for the group. A collective center may be held by a
personal altar that is physically holding the center of the
circle. A collective center may also serve in the form of
a topic or question around which the group organizes.
3. The third constant of wisdom circles is to have the circle
ask to be informed by our highest human values, such as compassion
and truth, by the wisdom of those who have come before us,
and by the needs of those yet to be born.
4. The fourth constant of wisdom circles is to take time
to express gratitude for the blessings and teachings of life.
In silence or by taking turns, members of the circle give
thanks for people or things great and small that nourish them.
5. The fifth constant of wisdom circles is to create a safe
container for full participation and deep truth-telling. In
order to do this, the wisdom circles stress the importance
of confidentiality to sacred spaces. Consequently, nothing
shared in the circle may leave the circle. Once outside the
circle, members may only talk about the circle from their
own vantage point in what they have shared, but members may
not discuss the circle from the vantage point of others and
what others have shared. Additionally, every member will have
a chance to particpate during the wisdom circle if they desire.
However, it is equally important to respect a member's right
to silence. Silence may be just as sacred as it allows one
to engage in internal reflection.
6. The sixth constant is that each member should listen from
the heart without interrupting, judging, or trying to fix.
It is important for members of the wisdom circle to serve
as a compassionate witness for others in the group.
7. The seventh constant reminds members of the circle to
speak from the heart and from direct experience. Members of
the circle should strive to stay in touch with their feelings
and attempt to develop the capacity to say difficult things
without self-judgement or self-blame.
8. The eighth constant is to make room for silence to enter
the wisdom circle. The circle should allow time for reflection
and meditation and for deep things to surface.
9. The ninth constant of wisdom circles is to allow for each
member to be a co-facilitator of the process. Wisdom circles
should also encourage a time for its members to voice feelings
of satisfaction or discomfort with the group's progress.
10. The tenth constant of wisdom circles is to create an
ongoing relationship and commitment to the people in the circle
in order to engender trust and caring among them, and to extend
that caring to other people, the earth, and all its creatures
by practicing the capacities developed within the wisdom circle
in daily life.
– Matthew Burke
The Energy of an
Embrace – Hugs
The need to touch and be touched is established
early in our lives, as we develop and grow in the omnipresent
embrace of our mother's womb. Once we are born, separated
from that sanctuary of connectivity, we begin to crave the
physical embrace of our parents. As we age, we become more
independent. Yet during times of triumph or trouble and
during those moments when we are in need of reassurance,
we can't help but long for a hug.
Because a hug requires two active participants, each individual
taking part in the embrace experiences the pleasure of being
embraced and the joy that comes from hugging someone. As
both individuals wrap their arms around one another, their
energy blends together, and they experience a tangible feeling
of togetherness that lingers long after physical contact
has been broken. A heart hug is when you put your left arm
over someone's shoulder and your right arm around their
waist. As they do the same to you, your hearts become aligned
with one another other and loving, comforting energy flows
between the two of you to flood your souls with feelings
of love, caring, and compassion.
A hug is a pleasurable way to share your feelings with someone
who is important to you. Depending on your relationship
with the other person and the kind of message you wish to
send to them, a hug can communicate love, friendship, romance,
congratulations, support, greeting, and any other sentiment
you wish to convey. A hug communicates to others that you
are there for them in a positive way. In an instant, a hug
can reestablish a bond between long lost friends and comfort
those in pain. The next time you hug someone, focus all
of your energy into the embrace. You will create a profound
connection that infuses your feelings and sentiments into
a single beautiful gesture.
Greywolf's Native Spirit Lodge
in New Larger Quarters
The Native Spirit Lodge has moved to a facility
2 1/2 times larger than the old store. It is now located at
22559 Ventura Boulevard in Woodland Hills, two blocks west of
Shoup on the north side of the street. Greywolf and David have
augmented their stocks of stones, crystals, carved turquoise,
necklaces, bracelets, and Native American goods including pipes,
talking sticks, drums, rattles, various smudges and more. They
will have a complete supply of Tibetan Singing Bowls arriving
in April. Hours are Wednesday through Sunday, 12-6 PM. The phone
number is still (818) 703-7046. Remember to ask for the Sacred
Path discount price when you purchase your goods.
A new group will be forming in the Venice/Pacific Palisades
area. For more info on joining and meeting times, contact Nick
Rath at (310) 454-2965, or e-mail him at: nrath@adelphia.net
The West Hills Group is now filled to
capacity. For those interested in adding their names to the
wait list, contact Mitch Cohen at (818) 631-4175, or e-mail
him at freehand@earthlink.net
The West Side Men's Group meets every first Thursday of the
month in addition to our required monthly gathering on the third
Thursday of the month.In June, the West Side Men's Gathering
will get together again on Thursday, June 1st as well as Thursday,
the15th, location to be determined. For more information or
to join the group, call Mark Kreher at (310)581-6616 or e-mail
him at: mark.kreher@verizon.net.
You can also contact David Sacks at (323) 650-8239, or e-mail
him at: dasacks@yahoo.com,
The Thousand Oaks/Calabasas Men's Circle is currently meeting
monthly. If you live near this geographic area and have an interest
in participating in a men's group, contact Matthew at (818)774-1000,
or e-mail him at: matthewburke@singerburke.com
for more informaton.
David "Stongbear" Myers is heading up a team in the
San Gabriel Valley. If you're interested in joining, talk to
Strongbear at (818)541-9499, or e-mail him at: dj0814myers@earthlink.net.
Important Web Links
SACRED WAYS, Andrew Soliz' organization dedicated to
promoting growth and healing through traditional Native American
teachings and ceremonies. To check on the latest events, ceremonies,
sweatlodges, and other information, log on to www.sacred-ways.org.
To contact Andrew directly, e-mail Andrew@sacred-ways.org.
ALBERT MARREWA, counselor, instructor of martial arts,
consultant, lecturer, and workshop facilitator. Access Albert's
web site at www.albertmarrewa.com
for biographical information, lists of services, and calendar
of events, or e-mail Albert directly at albertmarrewa@aol.com.
HIS SIDE, the weekly radio program on KTIE 940 AM hosted
by Glenn Sacks. Go to www.hisside.com
to find out about future programs, sign up for the weekly newsletter,
listen live via streaming audio at 5 PM every Sunday, and contact
Glenn directly.
MEN ALIVE, the web site hosted by Jed Diamond, psychologist,
author, and speaker. Jed spoke at our first monthly gathering
and again last November, outlining his new book, "The Irritable
Male Syndrome: Managing the 4 Key Causes of Male Depression
and Aggression". Go to: menalive-on@lists.mcn.org
to receive Jed's weekly newsletter online, and contact Jed directly
at: jed@menalive.com.
CHRISTO PELLANI, Sacred Path's Master Percussionist.
Stay current with events featuring Christo and his friends by
logging onto his web site: www.soundformation.com.
ED MUNTER, originator and star performer of Soul
Journey. Find out about the latest performances of this
soul-stirring experience, as well as CD ordering info and more
about Ed himself. Log onto www.innerpathproductions.org
INTERFAITH INVENTIONS, an organization dedicated to
enriching the lives of children and adults through programs
that promote respect and understanding between people of diverse
faiths. They are developing a national network of summer camps
to bring together Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Native
American, and other faiths' children to have fun and to form
lasting relationships. The camp experience includes developing
a relationship with the natural world around them; sharing family
stories, food customs, drumming and music; exploring shared
values of compassion, reconciliation and respect for others
through sacred texts and stories from their traditions as well
as art projects, games, camp fires, and informal play time.
The summer program includes following up activities to help
forge lasting relationships between the children and their communities.
For more info on this highly worthwhile organization, contact
Phil Dichter, President of Interfaith Inventions, at: www.interfaithinventions.org
CD's by Sacred Path Members Available
You can purchase the excellent CD's by Sacred Path brothers
Ed Munter, Tommy Holmes, Christo Pellani, Rich Manners
and Albert Marrewa.
Ed's CD's, Tracking Down the Soul and Soul Journey,
are available at www.innerpathproductions.org
Tommy's self-titled album can be ordered from www.TommyHolmes.com.
Christo's scond album, Soundscape Pyramids – Resonance
Forms, is available at info@soundformation.com
Rich's CD, Speechless, featuring the voices of Mimi
Manners, is available at jyngleman@sbcglobal.net
Albert's Relaxing Into Now is available at www.albertmarrewa.com
In addition, talks by the Director of the L.A. Men's Center,
Dr. Stephen Johnson, are available on the LA Men's Center website,
as well as several CD sets of past retreats.Go to
www.menscenterlosangeles.com
Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group
What does Sacred Path do to support men after they have completed
their retreats? The Sacred Path Alumni Discussion Group is one
answer to that query. It provides a means for our community
of men to have ongoing e-mail contact and discussions with their
fellow Sacred Path Retreat graduates. Membership is restricted
to graduates of a Sacred Path retreat. The simplest way to sign
up is to send an e-mail (its content is irrelevant) to: Sacred_Path_Alumni-subscribe@Yahoo.groups.com.
You can also join from the Sacred Path Alumni's home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacredpathalumni.
Once you have become a member of the discussion group, you
can begin using our Sacred Path Alumni Yahoo Group immediately.
Members are able to use any or all of the following features:
Contribute to the Newsletter
Does your creativity need an outlet? Here's a chance for your
unique words to appear on the printed page (or at least a computer
screen)! Send us an article, an anecdote, a poem, a joke; whatever
tickles your fancy. Please address your e-mails to Rich Manners
at: jyngleman@sbcglobal.net.
Bribes will be cheerfully accepted!
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